Mount Everest Diaries

Prelude To Training, Part 2

So now that I’ve established what a messed-up proposition me trekking for days - across land that wouldn’t know flat if an anorexic fashion model crash landed into one of its many mountains - due to my history of physical inability and general state of laziness, let’s look at the here and now, and what I actually have, today, in terms of physique.

The today me - or at least the “today” me of two weeks ago when I very first decided that I was committing to this crazy plan - is not a pretty sight. The last time I seriously exercised was about three years ago when I went on a jogging kick one summer and dropped about 40 pounds. Needless to say it didn’t last, and a lot of the belly came back. Then, approximately seventeen months ago, the miracle of procreation kicked in with Erin informing me - a surprised and happy me - that she was pregnant.

That translated into several things: a crash course in basic human anatomy and biology (I learned what “dilated” meant), approximately a terabyte of baby-related photographs ended up on my external hard drive (for he’s without doubt the cutest kid in the world - which is what all parents are supposed to say, but in our case is true…), and about 20 pounds of pregnancy-related jigglies made an unsightly addition to my body. I would like to say I did it out of sympathy to my wife, but it was just a gradual decline on my part borne out of excuses.

I have:

• arms that are soft (should I say squishy?) reminders of biceps that I used to have
• lungs that make me breath heavy during a brisk walk through the grocery store isles in search for spicy Dorito chips.
• non-existent abs (or if they’re there I wouldn’t know)
• shins that ache when I walk up tiny hills

As I do a quick inventory I realized I’m in trouble, big trouble, and that changes are needed if I’m not going to be completely embarrassed by collapsing into a pile of yak dung in the first fifteen minutes of my trek come next March.

Although I’m not doing something that most athletic people would consider an outlandishly impressive physical feat - actually climbing Mount Everest (remember, I am simply content to survive the trek to the Mount Everest Base Camp) - I am doing something that is going to be completely foreign to anything that I’ve ever done before: a sustained physical undertaking that will see me walk about 90 kilometres over two weeks through some of the most extreme and beautiful landscape our world has to offer. If I am going to do this, I don’t want anything getting in the way of me having the trip of a lifetime. I have to be in shape - in better shape than I’ve ever been before - and this means that I have to completely change everything about my current physical state. I have to train, hard, and I have just over 12 months to do it.